Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
