dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
