He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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