Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
