why didn't you poke me back
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
