I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize