Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
