She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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