Got a toothbrush?
Soap is not a condiment
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
