dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i think my cat just said my name.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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