3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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