im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
