Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
