i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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