How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
