I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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