please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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