What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
