Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
