he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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