You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
