strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize