Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
