I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
