hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
