i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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