it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
