when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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