i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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