I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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