Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
