xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize