i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
