How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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