I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
