I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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