Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You made out with two different species that night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
