There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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