if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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