How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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