8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
