You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
