Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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