i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
