hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
