apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
