i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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