Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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