k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize