when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
