I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize