Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
