At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
