Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
