i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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