I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
