well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
