Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
