i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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