You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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