i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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