guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
