I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
