no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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