Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
