she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
