oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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