it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
