I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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