just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
