I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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