She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
