Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
