walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How external is "for external use only"?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
