it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
