Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Randomize
