woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
