Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
