Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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