Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
