Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
